My cycle story

Written By Nikki Scott

TW abortion and self-harm 

I just logged on to FB aka Meta (cue eye roll) and saw on a local all-female group a request for support with menstrual cycle awareness and I was shocked to see how many responses were referencing Apps. Flo, Clue, Eve all got a mention but barely anyone, if anyone suggested conscious cycling, ie you tracking your own cycle yourself.

Now I appreciate you non-wombers might think this blog is not for you, but I invite you to stay with us, you might learn something insightful.   

My journey with my cycle has been erratic, to say the least. A quick timeline recap for context:

12  Start my period 

15 Go on the hormonal pill (Dr’s advice) for painful cramps to help me study for     GCSEs

16 - 18 On and off a variety of hormonal pills, due to major mood swings  

18 Get pregnant - get an abortion 

18 - 25 On and off another buffet of hormonal pills, due to (surprise surprise) weight gain, mood swings 

26 Friend recommends implant - gets implant (9 years of no bleeds & no mood swings or weight gain, but paper thin uterus lining)

35        Removes implant (to increase my chances of the potential for a ‘natural’ pregnancy) 

35 - 37 No hormonal contraception, condoms and the morning after pill 

37.5 Trip to A&E and ultrasound for potential fibroids 

37 Fertility Awareness Method course and read Wild Power & Period Power  

38 Conscious cycling (tracking days of cycle with daily temp and cervical mucus)

It all came to a head when in lockdown part deux (Oct 2020), I found myself in tears in a cab to A&E. I’d had painful lower abdominal cramps for nearly a week, but it wasn’t just the cramps, my emotional health was all over the place. For the last year, I’d been experiencing severe mood swings the week before my bleed, I’d go to really dark places and on more than one occasion planned self-harm, something that I never actually did but it was frightening how quickly my mind could go there. Each month I was like, Ok this is it, I’ve finally gone fully mad. Get the asylum on the phone I’m ready to be admitted… And then, just like that, I’d get my bleed. The emotional rollercoaster would come to a halt and I’d step off feeling relieved and myself again. This was my cycle pattern for over 12 months and by the autumn of 2020 I’d had enough. So, back to my manic dash in an overpriced cab to A&E, in my desperate state seemingly the logical thing to do. 

Once behind the curtain, I explained my situation (and my cycle history) to the young female doctor (I’d requested a female). On hearing my story and with an empathetic smile, she immediately (if not a little smugly) recommended I go back on the hormonal pill. Me, jaw to the floor… Even after expressing I wanted to regrow my uterus lining (something the hormonal contraception shrinks) to increase my chances of conceiving naturally if that's something I decided I wanted. But more terrifying than that, it was as if there was no other choice. She didn’t ask anything about my lifestyle or diet. Not a flicker of awareness of how so many other factors work to affect our menstrual cycle and therefore our overall health. I was gobsmacked. I point blank refused this offer and after they took my bloods, I practically begged for a specialist referral to check for endometriosis and fibroids. I left the hospital feeling uncertain but glad I had the confidence to demand a consultation with a specialist. In the following days, the cramps subsided and I got my bleed. I did attend the appointment but no fibroids or evidence of endo were found. I was both relieved by the results and yet still confused as to the root of my highly volatile symptoms, as so far no one had offered any real evidence or solution to my personal period hell. Fortunately for me or by some divine celestial intervention an email popped into my inbox only days after my specialist appointment. 

You’ve got mail 

*Please join me to celebrate and reclaim your sexual sovereignty - A Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) masterclass*

Needless to say, I was in. After a super informative session with the amazing Emily (a dear friend I had first connected with during our yoga teaching training course in 2018), I signed up for a 3 month course on reclaiming my sexual sovereignty through knowledge and sacred female wisdom. The course provided me an indispensable wealth of information so often silenced in our modern era of app education and medicine. 

I was blown away by the simplicity of the routine. Checking and monitoring my fertility vital signs instantly gave me a sense of power and confidence that had so often been lacking in past attempts to ‘control’ my cycle. Through learning to track my cycle with Emily and reading the life changing book, Wild Power, my major moods dips and cramps almost all but evaporated. It feels unbelievable to say, in fact, I didn’t believe it was possible, but it's true. I still have some cramps (but nothing over the counter pain relief can’t solve) and my mood is still in flux but I have so more awareness that I am able to harness the changes and make them work for me. 

Tracking my cycle and learning about the inner seasons my mind and body go through every 28-31 days has revolutionised my life. My wish is that every person that menstruates is able to access this knowledge, enabling them to make a decision on the contraceptive or conceiving journey that is right for them. 

My story isn’t especially unique or spectacular (in fact I think it’s likely very common), but if by sharing it I help one person to become more curious or seek alternative support for their their cycle, it’s been worth it. 

Find Emily @moujamoon and follow the Red School (the authors of Wild Power) @red.school